Arising from the ashes

I’ve been here before. It’s a reminder, a lesson that I did not fully embrace. It’s not 100% the same but there is a broad theme that is familiar.

It happened in Jan 2015, when I had the mysterious year of ups and downs with my health. And in 2009 when I “broke free” and moved to Thailand.

It’s where you suddenly realise that you aren’t fully living your own life, your own voice or truth.

Little by little, you wake up to the realisation that you are becoming a function other peoples wants and choices, and even a function of your (less so aware) past choices and wants. They were not acting in your full interest nor were they aligned with what your heart wanted.

The funny thing is that I went into these the majority of the situations eyes wide open, logically understanding they may not be the best decisions for myself or those around me at the time. Yet, I/we still chose them.

Then comes a moment of transformation (if you choose to look honestly). Like a phoenix, that feels the death coming and then is born again. Arising from the ashes.

There are moments, where there is anger at those who treated you poorly when you didn’t know to ask for better treatment and you let it “slide”.

Then the more important realisation of the anger (frustration, sadness, grief) at yourself for what you’ve allowed.

There’s the pain for lost time. There’s the necessity to push things, ideas and people out because you need time to think, reflect and be journey back to yourself.

There’s the new boundary lines, the new found savior in the word no, the opening of eyes that would rather be shut. At first it feels like a burden, then you realise that this is liberation and self love.

Getting your sh*t together requires a level of honesty, that most avoid. Realising that you’re the one that’s been holding you back. It takes a level of self love, awareness, dedication and determination to live your greatest life.

So look within. All the wise ones, have said look within and you’ll find the answers. Look at every area of your life and ask yourself: Am I on course? Is this what I really want to do? (Listen to your heart, trust your intuition). Am I growing mentally, emotionally, spiritually? Anything that is blocking that, anything that is preventing you from living your greatest life, make the decision to let it go.

I feel like I am “starting” again at 37, but that’s not the truth. I have much more experience, knowledge and fortunately despite the current bleak business outlook, I saved for a rainy day. I have more responsibilities and a family now. Here’s to the journey of life, look within & follow your own truth.

I will remember and learn from this lesson, thank you.